What's the point of having a blog if I never update it? Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things with this. I did real well for a while, but then suddenly stopped. Anyways, here's another email I liked. Enjoy!
Subject: The Cost of A Miracle
Content:
A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.
She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.
Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.
She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!
"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.
"Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick... and I want to buy a miracle."
"I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist.
"His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"
"We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little.
"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs."
The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does your brother need?"
"I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money."
"How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago.
"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly. "And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to."
"Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers. "
He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need."
That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.
Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.
"That surgery," her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"
Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child.
Recieved from Matt Marler, 09/22/2007.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Old Emails I Like #25: I'm Thankful
NOTICE: This email has been changed from it's original format. It use to be all caps, but I'm one of those people that reads all caps in my head as being yelled at. I don't really care to be yelled at, so I made it all sentence case. :) Thanks.
Subject: I'm Thankful
Content:
I am thankful...
- For the wife who says it's hot dogs tonight, because she is home with me, not with someone else.
- For the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means she is at home not on the streets.
- For the taxes that I pay, because it means that I am employed.
- For the mess to clean after a party, because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.
- For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have enough to eat.
- For my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am out in the sunshine.
- For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.
- For all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means that we have freedom of speech.
- For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot, because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.
- For my huge heating bill, because it means I am warm.
- For the lady behind me in church that sings off key, because it means that I can hear.
- For the pile of laundry and ironing, because it means I have clothes to wear.
- For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I have been capable of working hard.
- For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours, because it means that I am alive.
- For too much e-mail, because it means i have friends who are thinking of me.
God bless!
Received from 12/02/2002.
Subject: I'm Thankful
Content:
I am thankful...
- For the wife who says it's hot dogs tonight, because she is home with me, not with someone else.
- For the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means she is at home not on the streets.
- For the taxes that I pay, because it means that I am employed.
- For the mess to clean after a party, because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.
- For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have enough to eat.
- For my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am out in the sunshine.
- For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.
- For all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means that we have freedom of speech.
- For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot, because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.
- For my huge heating bill, because it means I am warm.
- For the lady behind me in church that sings off key, because it means that I can hear.
- For the pile of laundry and ironing, because it means I have clothes to wear.
- For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I have been capable of working hard.
- For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours, because it means that I am alive.
- For too much e-mail, because it means i have friends who are thinking of me.
God bless!
Received from 12/02/2002.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Old Emails I Like #24: God's Gift to Man
I don't think anyone will find gender offensiveness in this email. But just to cover all my bases, I think there is no better way to say it: this is not meant to be offensive in in way shape form or fashion; it is meant to be sweet, loving, and complimentary, so please take it as such. luvukthxbye.
Subject: Girls Are From God
Content:
When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone, I fashioned you.
I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone, I shaped you.... I modeled you.
I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage
supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.
You are my perfect angel.....You are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart. Your eyes......don't change them. Your lips lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose, so perfect in form. Your hands so gentle to touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep.
I've held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives and breathes, you are most like me. Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you; my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support. You are special because you are an extension of me.
Man represents my image, woman my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God.
So man...... treat women well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile.
Received from Michael Bentley, 03/28/2003.
Subject: Girls Are From God
Content:
When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone, I fashioned you.
I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone, I shaped you.... I modeled you.
I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage
supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.
You are my perfect angel.....You are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart. Your eyes......don't change them. Your lips lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose, so perfect in form. Your hands so gentle to touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep.
I've held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives and breathes, you are most like me. Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you; my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support. You are special because you are an extension of me.
Man represents my image, woman my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God.
So man...... treat women well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile.
Received from Michael Bentley, 03/28/2003.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Old Emails I Like #23: Friendship - A Definition
This email tells you how to identify your real true friends. Some are funny, but I think all are true. :)
Subject: Friendship--A Definition
Content:
'A REAL FRIEND' DEFINITION!!
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps themself.
A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your family. A real friend has their phone numbers in their address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you.
Recevied from Matt Marler, 7/18/2005.
Subject: Friendship--A Definition
Content:
'A REAL FRIEND' DEFINITION!!
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps themself.
A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your family. A real friend has their phone numbers in their address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you.
Recevied from Matt Marler, 7/18/2005.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Old Emails I Like #22: Jesus, Satan, and Computers
It's time for an old classic and corny story that, I suspect, everyone got at some point in time. It was funny when I was younger, but even more funny to me now because of the experiences I have had over the course of our lives. Although, it might just be another eye-roller for some of y'all. :)
Subject: You Will Love this!
Content:
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better at using the computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and it will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.
But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured, and of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past two hours.
Satan observed this and became even more irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it??!!"
God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves."
Received from Crystal Turner, 03/08/2003.
Subject: You Will Love this!
Content:
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better at using the computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and it will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.
But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured, and of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past two hours.
Satan observed this and became even more irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it??!!"
God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves."
Received from Crystal Turner, 03/08/2003.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Old Emails I Like #21: Two Wolves
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I was doing good, posting an old email once every day or two, and of course I start slacking off. Anyways, hopefully I can get back on track fairly alright. Anyways, here we go.
Subject: Two Wolves
Content:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Received from Matt Marler, 07/13/2005.
Subject: Two Wolves
Content:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Received from Matt Marler, 07/13/2005.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Old Emails I Like #20: Friends Forever
Yay! Yet another friends one!!
Subject: Friends Forever
Content:
Written with a pen
Sealed with a kiss
If you are my friend,
Please answer this:
Are we friends or are we not?
You told me once, but I forgot.
So tell me now and tell me true,
So I can say, I am here for you.
Of all the friends I've ever met,
You're the one I won't forget.
And if I die before you do,
I'll go to Heaven And wait for you.
Received from Crystal Turner, 07/22/2003.
Subject: Friends Forever
Content:
Written with a pen
Sealed with a kiss
If you are my friend,
Please answer this:
Are we friends or are we not?
You told me once, but I forgot.
So tell me now and tell me true,
So I can say, I am here for you.
Of all the friends I've ever met,
You're the one I won't forget.
And if I die before you do,
I'll go to Heaven And wait for you.
Received from Crystal Turner, 07/22/2003.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Old Emails I Like #19: Nails in the Fence
Here's another one of those "a good friend" stories. It seems like a fair many of the emails I got had something to do with being a friend. Were people trying to tell me something...? (j/k)
Subject: Nails in the Fence
Content:
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.
Received from Matt Marler, 07/13/2005.
Subject: Nails in the Fence
Content:
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.
Received from Matt Marler, 07/13/2005.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Old Emails I Like #18: Friends
I've always liked these fun kind of thingies. I think there's a word for them, but I can't think of it right now.
Subject: Friends
Content:
....... A Friend....
(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up ! ! on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffer support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality
Received from Susan Gray, 02/04/2003.
Subject: Friends
Content:
....... A Friend....
(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up ! ! on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffer support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality
Received from Susan Gray, 02/04/2003.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Old Emails I Like #17: Dogs & Cats
This is so true. I understand this letter completely, since I grew up with a multitude of cats and dogs. But please don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to the bundle of joy that is entering our lives.
Subject: Dogs & Cats
Content:
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it fur-niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell their children.
Received from Matt Marler, 06/28/2005.
Subject: Dogs & Cats
Content:
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it fur-niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell their children.
Received from Matt Marler, 06/28/2005.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Old Emails I Like #16: Weird Things
I'm not sure if you wish you never knew some of this stuff or not. I certainly found a lot of them fairly interesting. Maybe one of you can disprove one or two of them?
Subject: Weird Things You Wish You Never Knew!!
Content:
* Butterflies taste with their feet.
* A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
* In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
* On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
* On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
* Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
* Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
* Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump.
* Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
* It's possible to lead a cow upstairs ... but not downstairs.
* Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
* It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
* The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
* A snail can sleep for three years.
* No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."
* Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. SCARY!!!
* The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
* All polar bears are left-handed.
* In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
* An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
* TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
* Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
* If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33.
* And she would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
* A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
* The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
* Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
* Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.
* You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?
Reveived from Rachel Stevens, 12/06/2002.
Subject: Weird Things You Wish You Never Knew!!
Content:
* Butterflies taste with their feet.
* A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
* In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
* On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
* On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
* Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
* Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
* Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump.
* Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
* It's possible to lead a cow upstairs ... but not downstairs.
* Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
* It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
* The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
* A snail can sleep for three years.
* No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."
* Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. SCARY!!!
* The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
* All polar bears are left-handed.
* In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
* An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
* TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
* Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
* If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33.
* And she would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
* A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
* The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
* Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
* Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.
* You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?
Reveived from Rachel Stevens, 12/06/2002.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Old Emails I Like #15: Money
Another short one today. I thought it was pretty witty. :)
Subject: Money
Content:
Money
It can buy a House...............But not a Home
It can buy a Bed..................But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock................But not Time
It can buy you a Book..........But not knowledge
It can buy you a Position......But not Respect
It can buy you Medicine.......But not Health
It can buy you Blood............But not Life
It can buy you Sex..............But not Love
So you see money isn't everything.
It often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend.
As your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.
So send me all your money.......... And I will suffer for you.
Received from Michael Bentley, 02/16/2003.
Subject: Money
Content:
Money
It can buy a House...............But not a Home
It can buy a Bed..................But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock................But not Time
It can buy you a Book..........But not knowledge
It can buy you a Position......But not Respect
It can buy you Medicine.......But not Health
It can buy you Blood............But not Life
It can buy you Sex..............But not Love
So you see money isn't everything.
It often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend.
As your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.
So send me all your money.......... And I will suffer for you.
Received from Michael Bentley, 02/16/2003.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Old Emails I Like #14: You Might Believe This
I'm don't always believe "true stories" when they come in emails. But somehow, I don't doubt that this has happened; I've worked with folks like this. And they are not on Facebook.
Subject: You're Not Going To Believe This
Content:
This a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording, monitoring the customer care dept.. Needless to say the Helpdesk employee was fired; however he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer support employee (now I know why they record these conversations)!
Help Desk: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with word perfect?"
Help Desk: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Help Desk: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Help Desk: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Help Desk: "Nothing?"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Help Desk: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Help Desk: "Can you see the C: prompt on your screen?"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Help Desk: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Help Desk: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Help Desk: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it is on?"
Caller: "I don't know."
Help Desk: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Caller: "Yes I think so."
Help Desk: "Great follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Help Desk: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, or just one?"
Caller: "No."
Help Desk: "Well there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay,here it is."
Help Desk: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it plugged securely into the back of you computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Help Desk: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Caller: "No."
Help Desk: "Even if you maybe put you knee on something and lean way over?"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle---it's because it's dark."
Help Desk: "Dark?"
Caller: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Help Desk: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Help Desk: "No? Why not?"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Help Desk: "A power..... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals, and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Help Desk: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Help Desk: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Help Desk: "Tell them you are too stupid to own a computer."
Received from Matt Marler, 05/14/2005.
Subject: You're Not Going To Believe This
Content:
This a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording, monitoring the customer care dept.. Needless to say the Helpdesk employee was fired; however he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer support employee (now I know why they record these conversations)!
Help Desk: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with word perfect?"
Help Desk: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Help Desk: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Help Desk: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Help Desk: "Nothing?"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Help Desk: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Help Desk: "Can you see the C: prompt on your screen?"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Help Desk: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Help Desk: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Help Desk: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it is on?"
Caller: "I don't know."
Help Desk: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Caller: "Yes I think so."
Help Desk: "Great follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Help Desk: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, or just one?"
Caller: "No."
Help Desk: "Well there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay,here it is."
Help Desk: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it plugged securely into the back of you computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Help Desk: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Caller: "No."
Help Desk: "Even if you maybe put you knee on something and lean way over?"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle---it's because it's dark."
Help Desk: "Dark?"
Caller: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Help Desk: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Help Desk: "No? Why not?"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Help Desk: "A power..... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals, and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Help Desk: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Help Desk: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Help Desk: "Tell them you are too stupid to own a computer."
Received from Matt Marler, 05/14/2005.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Old Emails I Like #13: The Dart Test
You might see what's coming as you start reading this email. I've probably wanted to throw darts at folks faces before, but I don't know that I've actually done it.
Subject: The Dart Test
Content:
A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons. One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.
On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture. Sally's girlfriend drew a picture of a girl who had stolen her boy friend! Another friend drew a picture of his little brother.
Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.
The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats.
As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target, Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.
Underneath the Target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced. Dr. Smith said only these words...
"In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me." Matthew 25:40.
Received from Crystal Turner, 03/22/2003.
Subject: The Dart Test
Content:
A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons. One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.
On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture. Sally's girlfriend drew a picture of a girl who had stolen her boy friend! Another friend drew a picture of his little brother.
Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.
The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats.
As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target, Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.
Underneath the Target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced. Dr. Smith said only these words...
"In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me." Matthew 25:40.
Received from Crystal Turner, 03/22/2003.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Old Emails I Like #12: Life and Noah's Ark
There's nothing special about this one; just a goody.
Subject: n/a
Content:
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark .
One: Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven : No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting...
Received from Matt Marler, 03/28/2005.
Subject: n/a
Content:
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark .
One: Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven : No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting...
Received from Matt Marler, 03/28/2005.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Old Emails I Like #11: Irish Wish
We have a short one today. But plain and simple.
Subject: Irish Wish
Content:May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
Received from Michael Bentley, 12/05/2002.
Subject: Irish Wish
Content:May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
Received from Michael Bentley, 12/05/2002.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Old Emails I Like #10: Three Strangers in an Airport
This email is one of those religiously offensive stories. So I'm not entirely sure if I should even share it or not. So, not knowing which, I'll post it, and allow you to decide. I don't mean to step on anyone's toes, I just mean to offer a good laugh.
Subject:
Content:
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger Lounge in Midland, TX, awaiting their flights.
One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Houston for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Texas State University from the Middle East.
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.
The wind outside is a blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"
The West Texas cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'."
Reveived from Matt Marler, 11/28/04.
Subject:
Content:
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger Lounge in Midland, TX, awaiting their flights.
One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Houston for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Texas State University from the Middle East.
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.
The wind outside is a blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"
The West Texas cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'."
Reveived from Matt Marler, 11/28/04.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Old Emails I Like #9: Jesus In My Heart
I'm not sure what the original subject of this email was referring to, but hey, what's it matter? I didn't think that this was ever a tear jerker for me, but maybe someone has gotten something out of it. :)
Subject: Are You?
Content:
"Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart..."
"You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted.
The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, "to see how much damage has been done..."
"But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy.
The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly.
"When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next."
"But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."
The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well."
"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there."
The surgeon left.
...
He sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:," here he paused, "death within one year."
He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said.
"Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"
The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow."
The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?"
The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb."
The surgeon wept.
...
The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?"
"Yes," said the surgeon. "What did you find?" asked the boy. "I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.
Reveived from Susan Gray, 05/28/02
Subject: Are You?
Content:
"Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart..."
"You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted.
The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, "to see how much damage has been done..."
"But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy.
The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly.
"When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next."
"But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."
The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well."
"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there."
The surgeon left.
...
He sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:," here he paused, "death within one year."
He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said.
"Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"
The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow."
The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?"
The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb."
The surgeon wept.
...
The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?"
"Yes," said the surgeon. "What did you find?" asked the boy. "I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.
Reveived from Susan Gray, 05/28/02
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Old Emails I Like #8: God's Voicemail
Some people might find this one a little sacreligious, but I thought that it was worth taking a gander at.
Subject: God's Voicemail
Content:
Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Subject: God's Voicemail
Content:
Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:
- Thank you for calling heaven.
- For English press 1; for Spanish press 2; for all other languages, press 3.
- Please select one of the following options: Press 1 for request; press 2 for thanksgiving; press 3 for complaints; press 4 for all others.
- I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
- If you would like to speak to: God, press 1 Jesus, press 2 Holy spirit, press 3
- To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign. If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666.
- For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3, 1, 6.
- For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.
- Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.
- The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.
- If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.
- Thank you and have a heavenly day.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Old Emails I Like #7: Random Email of Wisdoooooooooooom!!
I got this one from someone I don't even know. I might have met them in a chat room, you know, when chat rooms were the new, popular, and coming thing.
Subject: sayth through the knight
Content:
The wise old owl sat on an oak.
The more he saw the less he spoke.
The less he spoke the more he heard.
The owl was a very wise old bird.
We are not born brilliant. The purpose of education and training is to make us wiser, more intelligent people. The best way to accomplish this is to listen to and communicate with your elders. Parents constantly offer advice and knowledge to their children. Sometimes the child is not interested in hearing what the parent has to say. some children think their parents are old and cannot relate to them. But with age comes experience, and usually wisdom.
Applying the Lesson to Life
The person who hasn't made a mistake in life is probably someone who has never done anything. Mistakes will be made. It is a very important thing to learn from your mistakes and listen to the wisdom of others who might be able to assist you in avoiding some mistakes. Don't feel you have to learn on your own. God puts people in our lives to help us. God gives us a sense of judgment so we can make wise decisions.
Received on 10/09/02
Subject: sayth through the knight
Content:
The wise old owl sat on an oak.
The more he saw the less he spoke.
The less he spoke the more he heard.
The owl was a very wise old bird.
We are not born brilliant. The purpose of education and training is to make us wiser, more intelligent people. The best way to accomplish this is to listen to and communicate with your elders. Parents constantly offer advice and knowledge to their children. Sometimes the child is not interested in hearing what the parent has to say. some children think their parents are old and cannot relate to them. But with age comes experience, and usually wisdom.
Applying the Lesson to Life
The person who hasn't made a mistake in life is probably someone who has never done anything. Mistakes will be made. It is a very important thing to learn from your mistakes and listen to the wisdom of others who might be able to assist you in avoiding some mistakes. Don't feel you have to learn on your own. God puts people in our lives to help us. God gives us a sense of judgment so we can make wise decisions.
Received on 10/09/02
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Old Emails I Like #6: Daily Life
This email actually had one of those read-this-and-forward-or-someone-you-know-will-die-because-well-here-are-three-example-of-real-life-stories-of-people-who-received-this-and-didn't-forward-it, but I've cleaned it up, and just put in the poem I like.
Subject: Once again I say: "What th' hey?!" .......that rhymed :D.........
Content:
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end.
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Received from Matt Marler 11/17/04.
Subject: Once again I say: "What th' hey?!" .......that rhymed :D.........
Content:
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end.
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Received from Matt Marler 11/17/04.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Old Emails I Like #5: Only Southerners Know ...
And now, for a little more of an offense email. I don't think I disagreed with any of these!
Subject: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAWGY!
Content:
Only Southerners Know ...
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissy fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess of."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar," is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb...
We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody! Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines.
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart," and go your own way.
To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southern-ness, take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southern-ness as a second language!
And for those who are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, y'all need a sign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads, "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Bless your hearts, and y'all have a blessed day.
Received from Matt Marler, 10/30/2004
Subject: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAWGY!
Content:
Only Southerners Know ...
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissy fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess of."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar," is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb...
We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody! Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines.
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart," and go your own way.
To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southern-ness, take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southern-ness as a second language!
And for those who are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, y'all need a sign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads, "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Bless your hearts, and y'all have a blessed day.
Received from Matt Marler, 10/30/2004
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Old Emails I Like #3: Are you a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?
I got this email from several people, and yes, it's a pretty sappy. Yet, I find myself liking it because I was facing some decisions at that time in my life and this email helped me to open my eyes some, and look at the situations from a different perspective.
Subject: Are you a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?
Content:
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON. . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aide you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are here for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong-doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON.....it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you a lifetime lesson..... things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life.
Received first from Michael Bentley, 11/10/2002
Subject: Are you a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?
Content:
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON. . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aide you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are here for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong-doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON.....it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you a lifetime lesson..... things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life.
Received first from Michael Bentley, 11/10/2002
Friday, September 17, 2010
Old Emails I Liked: #2 - Most Powerful Email I ever got
While the subject is such, I don't think it was the most powerful email I ever got, for me anyways. But still, I thought it was worth a keep at the time, and now a share.
Subject: Most Powerful Email I ever got
Content:
I had on new clothes,
New sneakers on my feet.
I was there for class on time,
Went to the back and took my seat.
Yeah, I'm moving up,
I'm already grown.
Soon I'll be graduating,
And out on my own.
I talked to some of my friends,
We were all having fun.
Said some things I shouldn't have said.
Did stuff I shouldn't have done.
I knew I was different..
I felt God touch my heart,
I knew I should set a standard,
But then I'd be set apart.
Walking to the bus, I was not looking for strength.
I heard the car tires screeching,
But now it's too late.
I'm standing in this room,
And I can see the heavenly gate..
Oh no! I never prayed.
I thought I had time to get it straight!
An angel walked to me,
He had a book in his hand.
I knew it was the Book of Life,
When would this dream end?
I told him my name,
And he began to look.
Then he looked at me sadly and said,
Your name is not in this book.
Angel, this is a dream,
No, I can't be dead!
He closed the book and turned away,
He whispered - You cannot proceed ahead.
No...no this can't be real,
Angel, you can't turn me away.
Let me talk to God,
Maybe he'll let me stay.
He led me to the gate,
Jesus came to me.
He did not let me in but said,
Beloved what is your need?
Jesus, I cried, please,
Don't cast me away from you.
Tears ran down his face as he said,
You knew what you needed to do.
Lord, please I'm young,
I never thought I would die.
I thought I'd have plenty of time,
Death caught me by surprise.
Lord, I went to church,
Please Jesus, I believe.
He said you would not accept me,
My love you would not receive.
Lord, there were too many
hypocrites. They weren't being true.
He took a step back and asked,
What does that have to do with you?
Lord, my family claimed to be
saved, They weren't real. You know.
He said, I died for you,
Now I have to go.
I fell to my knees crying to Him,
Lord, I planned to be real tomorrow.
I couldn't make Him understand,
I had never felt such sorrow.
Then it hit me hard, I said,
Lord, where will I go?
He looked into my eyes
and said, My child you already know.
Please Jesus, I begged,
The place is so hot.
It seemed to trouble and grieve him,
He whispered, DEPART FROM ME, I KNOW YOU NOT.
Lord, you're supposed to be love,
How can you send me to damnation?
He replied, With your mouth you said you loved me,
But each day you rejected my salvation.
With that in an instant,
Day turned into night.
I never knew such torture could be,
Now too late, I know the Bible is right.
If I can tell you anything,
Hell has no age.
It is a place of torture,
Separated from God and full of rage.
You know, I thought it was funny,a joke,
But this one thing is true.
If you never accept Jesus Christ,
HELL IS WAITING FOR YOU
Received from Kim Poulter 02/02/2005
Subject: Most Powerful Email I ever got
Content:
I had on new clothes,
New sneakers on my feet.
I was there for class on time,
Went to the back and took my seat.
Yeah, I'm moving up,
I'm already grown.
Soon I'll be graduating,
And out on my own.
I talked to some of my friends,
We were all having fun.
Said some things I shouldn't have said.
Did stuff I shouldn't have done.
I knew I was different..
I felt God touch my heart,
I knew I should set a standard,
But then I'd be set apart.
Walking to the bus, I was not looking for strength.
I heard the car tires screeching,
But now it's too late.
I'm standing in this room,
And I can see the heavenly gate..
Oh no! I never prayed.
I thought I had time to get it straight!
An angel walked to me,
He had a book in his hand.
I knew it was the Book of Life,
When would this dream end?
I told him my name,
And he began to look.
Then he looked at me sadly and said,
Your name is not in this book.
Angel, this is a dream,
No, I can't be dead!
He closed the book and turned away,
He whispered - You cannot proceed ahead.
No...no this can't be real,
Angel, you can't turn me away.
Let me talk to God,
Maybe he'll let me stay.
He led me to the gate,
Jesus came to me.
He did not let me in but said,
Beloved what is your need?
Jesus, I cried, please,
Don't cast me away from you.
Tears ran down his face as he said,
You knew what you needed to do.
Lord, please I'm young,
I never thought I would die.
I thought I'd have plenty of time,
Death caught me by surprise.
Lord, I went to church,
Please Jesus, I believe.
He said you would not accept me,
My love you would not receive.
Lord, there were too many
hypocrites. They weren't being true.
He took a step back and asked,
What does that have to do with you?
Lord, my family claimed to be
saved, They weren't real. You know.
He said, I died for you,
Now I have to go.
I fell to my knees crying to Him,
Lord, I planned to be real tomorrow.
I couldn't make Him understand,
I had never felt such sorrow.
Then it hit me hard, I said,
Lord, where will I go?
He looked into my eyes
and said, My child you already know.
Please Jesus, I begged,
The place is so hot.
It seemed to trouble and grieve him,
He whispered, DEPART FROM ME, I KNOW YOU NOT.
Lord, you're supposed to be love,
How can you send me to damnation?
He replied, With your mouth you said you loved me,
But each day you rejected my salvation.
With that in an instant,
Day turned into night.
I never knew such torture could be,
Now too late, I know the Bible is right.
If I can tell you anything,
Hell has no age.
It is a place of torture,
Separated from God and full of rage.
You know, I thought it was funny,a joke,
But this one thing is true.
If you never accept Jesus Christ,
HELL IS WAITING FOR YOU
Received from Kim Poulter 02/02/2005
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Old Emails I Liked: #1 - Hug Certificate
I was going through my old email account, and I'm finding a lot of stuff that I think is good, or great, in some cases (and even more not-so-good, but that's beside the point). I had this crazy idea where I just thought I'd attempt to start sharing these a little bit at a time.
Subject: Hug Certificate
Content:
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
and share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea
But all these things I'm finding
are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair
But let me be what I know best-
A friend who's always there.
Received from Crystal Tuner, 12/20/2002
Subject: Hug Certificate
Content:
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
and share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea
But all these things I'm finding
are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair
But let me be what I know best-
A friend who's always there.
Received from Crystal Tuner, 12/20/2002
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Moving Again!
Elizabeth and I are moving again! The time in the temporary little place is about to come to an end, and we'd like to get another head count of folks who are willing and able to help on our next moving date. If you are willing and able, we're planning to move stuff out of storage and into the new place on Saturday, September 25, 2010. We're planning to start up about 9:45/10:00a from the storage unit.
If you can make it to help out, please let me know! Also, trucks (and trailers!) were a great help last time; so if you could let know if you can bring those, too, that'd be great! We'd like a head count by Wednesday (the 22nd), so if you could reply before then, that would make our day! For those that can help, I'll be sending out information to you on Thursday (the 23rd) about the addresses, directions, lunch plans and what not. :)
Thanks!
Trey and Elizabeth Bentley
If you can make it to help out, please let me know! Also, trucks (and trailers!) were a great help last time; so if you could let know if you can bring those, too, that'd be great! We'd like a head count by Wednesday (the 22nd), so if you could reply before then, that would make our day! For those that can help, I'll be sending out information to you on Thursday (the 23rd) about the addresses, directions, lunch plans and what not. :)
Thanks!
Trey and Elizabeth Bentley
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Living Space
Sooo..... We've moved out of our ole apartment at Matthew Grande. We're currently living on a little place right now while our next official living space is still getting ready. We've moved a bunch of our stuff to storage for the time being, so we're not exactly living the way we're used to living. Elizabeth has been helping her dad get the new place ready with cleaning and painting, etc. Today I got to help out in cutting some grass. :)
We're hoping to be moving in by end of month; if not we plan to at least move our things from storage to maybe the garage or backyard shed. Anyways, that's what's been happening in our lives recently! Hope every in is doing well!
We're hoping to be moving in by end of month; if not we plan to at least move our things from storage to maybe the garage or backyard shed. Anyways, that's what's been happening in our lives recently! Hope every in is doing well!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Lock-In
I had a great time last night. We had a semi lock-in with the some of the youth from the Youth Group. There was pizza, chips, and dranks; airsoft war; video games; a bit of TV; hide-and-seek; run around the building; etc. I hope the youth had as much fun as I did!
Monday, August 16, 2010
We're Moving!
Dear friends and family,
Elizabeth and I will be moving soon, and would like to silicate as much help as we can! If you are willing to help us move a bunch of boxes and furniture, that would be awesome if you could work it into your schedule. We are planning to place a lot of our stuff in storage for a month or two while our next place is getting repairs done on it.
So, that being said, We were hoping to not use a large rental truck. If you can provide your time, muscle, and/or vehicle (trucks preferable) we will provide you with a lunch of pizza from Domino's, some chips, and some drinks.
On Saturday, August 28, 2010, we plan to start at about 9:30/10a and work until done. Boxes should already be packed, all we ask for is help transporting them and furniture to the storage lot about 2-3 miles away. It will take many trips, with more vehicles, there will be less trips per vehicle.
If you could please respond by Saturday, August 21, 2010, and let us know whether or not you can make it and if you can bring a vehicle for transporting, that would be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Because if we don't have enough vehicles, we can know by then that we will need to rent a truck.
Elizabeth and I will be moving soon, and would like to silicate as much help as we can! If you are willing to help us move a bunch of boxes and furniture, that would be awesome if you could work it into your schedule. We are planning to place a lot of our stuff in storage for a month or two while our next place is getting repairs done on it.
So, that being said, We were hoping to not use a large rental truck. If you can provide your time, muscle, and/or vehicle (trucks preferable) we will provide you with a lunch of pizza from Domino's, some chips, and some drinks.
On Saturday, August 28, 2010, we plan to start at about 9:30/10a and work until done. Boxes should already be packed, all we ask for is help transporting them and furniture to the storage lot about 2-3 miles away. It will take many trips, with more vehicles, there will be less trips per vehicle.
If you could please respond by Saturday, August 21, 2010, and let us know whether or not you can make it and if you can bring a vehicle for transporting, that would be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Because if we don't have enough vehicles, we can know by then that we will need to rent a truck.
A Little Advice
For those of you having trouble putting your pants on in the morning, it's easier if you haven't put your shoes on yet!
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Edge of the Counter
It seemed like a normal day for the Shakers. They always sat in the about the same spot on the table, all day, every day. They didn't mind, though, because they were always together.
The day started like most any other weekday. The male human got out of bed to take his shower at about the same time he always did. Ironically, the female human had left a few days ago, so the male didn't disturb her like he thought he usually did. But the Shakers were sure that she would be back soon. There had not been an argument or tiff of any sort to merit her leaving. But nonetheless, she was gone for these days, and the house was lonely during the daytime, since the TV wouldn't turn on when she wasn't there. The two cats would sometimes entertain the Shakers and the other household items, but they mostly slept all day.
The male had a total of 3 patterns,and out of those pattern, one of them were chosen seemingly very randomly for the morning routine. Inevitably, he would always eat breakfast and read the news at the same time. But after that was the mystery. Would he take a frozen diner to work? Would he take a sandwich? Or.... would he take a wrap?
The Shakers liked when he took a wrap, because then they knew that they would be able to fulfill their purpose in this world. The male human liked salt and pepper on his deli meat wrap with lettuce, shredded cheese, and ranch.
It tended to be that Salt was used more times and in larger quantities than Pepper through the weeks, but Pepper didn't mind. They both know that they both had their own purposes; that's the way things were, and that's the way they liked it.
Finally, the time came, and he did indeed choose the wrap today. The Shakers waited in anticipation as he got the ingredients and materials to prepare what would be his lunch later on in the day. Everything went on the counter. Except for them. At least, that was the Shakers feared. The male did grab them and they were relieved! They were going to have their contents spread over a meal for a human to enjoy! Oh, the bliss to please!
They were sat down on the edge of the counter, beside of Wrap Package. Salt Shaker said, "Pepper, don't we normally go in the middle of the counter, in front of Can Opener and Knife Block? What if we fall off here?"
"Yes," said Pepper Shaker, "but what does that matter? We've been touched today! We are going to do what we were born to do!"
Unfortunately, Salt had been foreshadowing, because about that time, the human was attempting to make room for one of Paper Towel's children. Doing so required Wrap Package to be pushed a little to the side.
The floor flew upward at them! "NOOOO!!" yelled the Shakers together. There was just enough time for Pepper to push Salt as they were falling. And then... the world was filled with the sound of shattering glass.
Salt tried to comprehend what had just happened. It had happened so fast.
"Pepper? Pepper!?" Salt called out.
The human looked their direction and said with a sigh, "Elizabeth's going to kill me."
Then Salt saw Pepper. Or more acurately, saw lots of Pepper.... and pepper.
As a final act of pleasing humans, Pepper had pushed Salt onto the carpet, for a soft landing, so that at least one of them could live, instead of both of them dying on the hard kitchen floor. This selfless act was a decision that a lot of household items are faced with at some point in time. Who knew it would be this day? Who knew it would be this time?
The human male quietly and sadly swept and vacuumed up the remains of Pepper Shaker and the pepper that he had so nutured and cared for, and for so long. He had kept flies and gnats away, and seen so many TV shows, and so many cat tricks. But it was over now. It was time to move on, in a different way, and in many peices.
Salt is grieving this morning and will be for a while yet. But, Salt knows that Pepper died doing what they both loved. And though they will probably never ever be together again, at least they had this little bit of time together. Memories that they can cherish will always be with them, and even though it's not the same, at least they were allowed the joy of each other for that time.
The day started like most any other weekday. The male human got out of bed to take his shower at about the same time he always did. Ironically, the female human had left a few days ago, so the male didn't disturb her like he thought he usually did. But the Shakers were sure that she would be back soon. There had not been an argument or tiff of any sort to merit her leaving. But nonetheless, she was gone for these days, and the house was lonely during the daytime, since the TV wouldn't turn on when she wasn't there. The two cats would sometimes entertain the Shakers and the other household items, but they mostly slept all day.
The male had a total of 3 patterns,and out of those pattern, one of them were chosen seemingly very randomly for the morning routine. Inevitably, he would always eat breakfast and read the news at the same time. But after that was the mystery. Would he take a frozen diner to work? Would he take a sandwich? Or.... would he take a wrap?
The Shakers liked when he took a wrap, because then they knew that they would be able to fulfill their purpose in this world. The male human liked salt and pepper on his deli meat wrap with lettuce, shredded cheese, and ranch.
It tended to be that Salt was used more times and in larger quantities than Pepper through the weeks, but Pepper didn't mind. They both know that they both had their own purposes; that's the way things were, and that's the way they liked it.
Finally, the time came, and he did indeed choose the wrap today. The Shakers waited in anticipation as he got the ingredients and materials to prepare what would be his lunch later on in the day. Everything went on the counter. Except for them. At least, that was the Shakers feared. The male did grab them and they were relieved! They were going to have their contents spread over a meal for a human to enjoy! Oh, the bliss to please!
They were sat down on the edge of the counter, beside of Wrap Package. Salt Shaker said, "Pepper, don't we normally go in the middle of the counter, in front of Can Opener and Knife Block? What if we fall off here?"
"Yes," said Pepper Shaker, "but what does that matter? We've been touched today! We are going to do what we were born to do!"
Unfortunately, Salt had been foreshadowing, because about that time, the human was attempting to make room for one of Paper Towel's children. Doing so required Wrap Package to be pushed a little to the side.
The floor flew upward at them! "NOOOO!!" yelled the Shakers together. There was just enough time for Pepper to push Salt as they were falling. And then... the world was filled with the sound of shattering glass.
Salt tried to comprehend what had just happened. It had happened so fast.
"Pepper? Pepper!?" Salt called out.
The human looked their direction and said with a sigh, "Elizabeth's going to kill me."
Then Salt saw Pepper. Or more acurately, saw lots of Pepper.... and pepper.
As a final act of pleasing humans, Pepper had pushed Salt onto the carpet, for a soft landing, so that at least one of them could live, instead of both of them dying on the hard kitchen floor. This selfless act was a decision that a lot of household items are faced with at some point in time. Who knew it would be this day? Who knew it would be this time?
The human male quietly and sadly swept and vacuumed up the remains of Pepper Shaker and the pepper that he had so nutured and cared for, and for so long. He had kept flies and gnats away, and seen so many TV shows, and so many cat tricks. But it was over now. It was time to move on, in a different way, and in many peices.
Salt is grieving this morning and will be for a while yet. But, Salt knows that Pepper died doing what they both loved. And though they will probably never ever be together again, at least they had this little bit of time together. Memories that they can cherish will always be with them, and even though it's not the same, at least they were allowed the joy of each other for that time.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
A Month and a Half Passed By
Haven't posted in a while. Not to much has happened. Elizabeth got ordained. But that's old news. Lately, we've been playing Super Mario Galaxy 2 and watching the Avatar: Last Airbender series. Movies we've seen lately are "Toy Story 3," "The Blind Side," and "Date Night." Yeah, our life seems really entertainment oriented, doesn't ?
Lizzy also preached at church last week and the week before. She really good at it, too! :D
Okay, I just thought I'd give a little update. Have a good one!
Lizzy also preached at church last week and the week before. She really good at it, too! :D
Okay, I just thought I'd give a little update. Have a good one!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Good Info, Not Enough Time
Having a good time in Decatur, GA at the Computer Troubleshooters convention. There's a ton of info, but not a lot of time for all of it. Although, we do get a semi-relaxing time in the evenings. A kinda fun time is scheduled then. Last night we went to South Mountain and saw a laser light show. Tonight, a lot of us went out for supper.
For those who care, some of the thing we've been learning about include: marketing; speaking not so techie; various services, like monitoring, HaaS, and SaaS (for those of you who know what that is); the cloud; etc.
So, yeah, I've had a great time. Tomorrow, I'm coming home. And then maybe it's back into the life routine for a few more days.
Have a nice day!
For those who care, some of the thing we've been learning about include: marketing; speaking not so techie; various services, like monitoring, HaaS, and SaaS (for those of you who know what that is); the cloud; etc.
So, yeah, I've had a great time. Tomorrow, I'm coming home. And then maybe it's back into the life routine for a few more days.
Have a nice day!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
God is good in all's swell
"In all's swell" is an inside joke for me. It comes from the Disney cartoon version of Robin Hood, where one of the vultures yells "2 o'clock and all's well!!" But I didn't hear that as a child; I heard "2 o'clock in all's swell!!" instead. Anyways.
God is allowing for our lives to go well right now; Lizzy and I have been blessed in life. We both had a great Memorial Day weekend together. We both got sunburned at the beach, but, that's okay (for me, anyways). We haven't done much since we got back, just kinda laid around feeling sun poisoned, going to work, and watching America's Got Talent.
Well, that's all for the moment.
Keep yer nose clean!
God is allowing for our lives to go well right now; Lizzy and I have been blessed in life. We both had a great Memorial Day weekend together. We both got sunburned at the beach, but, that's okay (for me, anyways). We haven't done much since we got back, just kinda laid around feeling sun poisoned, going to work, and watching America's Got Talent.
Well, that's all for the moment.
Keep yer nose clean!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Chilaxin'... at the beach
Yes, on this memorial day weekend, I'm at the beach with my beautiful wife. Kinda. we're at her grandmother's house for now. We had a nice walk along the beach yesterday, and are planning to meet up with my parents a little later after church, and then Lizzy and I will be hittin the waves. Weather permitting, of course. I hope everyone else is enjoying their long weekend! Have fun!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Weekend Update
It's been a good weekend. On Friday, we went to Mayflower with a friend from church and had a nice meal time and fellowship. Saturday, Lizzy, her parents, and I went out to eat at Sir Pizza. I'd never eaten there before, but it was really good, imo. Afterward, we went to the zoo, mainly to see the new lemur attraction. Later in the evening, after we parted ways with the in-laws, Lizzy and I went to see Alice in Wonderland at the $1.00 theater in Greensboro. I thought that was a movie well worth watching.
Today, we went to church and afterward there was a good tastin' potluck meal. The rest of the day was spent relaxing together, watching The Princess and the Frog (another good movie, imo), and resting up for this next week the Lord has prepared. I pray everyone is doing well!
Keep y'all's noses clean!
Today, we went to church and afterward there was a good tastin' potluck meal. The rest of the day was spent relaxing together, watching The Princess and the Frog (another good movie, imo), and resting up for this next week the Lord has prepared. I pray everyone is doing well!
Keep y'all's noses clean!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
False Hope
Don't you hate it when you see there's one message waiting for you in you're inbox, but then find it's from some spambot? It's like a stranger offer you, a child, candy.... You see the candy and want it, but then see the stranger, so you can't touch it.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Strange
I find it weird that I sometimes sneeze in the sona-like environment (aka the bathroom after a shower). Shouldn't the mist/steam calm down the dust and whatever else causes sneezes?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
It's not that bad.
I guess things aren't as bad as I make them out to be. I had a good time at church tonight. I feel like today was a productive day. Don't know what I did, but hey, I'm feelin' good.
Tired... but good.
Well, have a good night... or day!
Tired... but good.
Well, have a good night... or day!
And this is what I get
I got up 30-min. early this morning to get to a customers house on time to do some work for CT. Ironically, the customer had contacted a techie friend last night who fixed them up. So I lost some time and gas that I feel I shouldn't have. I guess it's my fault, though; I should've confirmed the boss from the other CT had my cell number. Oh well.
"Live and learn."
Or, in my case with my forgetful memory, just "live."
"Live and learn."
Or, in my case with my forgetful memory, just "live."
Pointless Post
So... every now and then I go through a stage of "I'm going to commit to updating my blogs and Facebook statuses, etc, as much as I can from now on." But why is it so hard for me to do? I love to think of myself as a geek, but how can I, when 7 year old boys and girls spend three times as much time on the computer and cell phones than I do? I mean, I know that I can post a status message from my mobile...
But why? How does that help anyone else be productive?
What am I doing with my life that can help out other people? Why do I randomly get the urge and desire to want to constantly join the crowd and update and check on updates as much as I can? But then don't? I think, I don't really, really want to. It doesn't make sense to me, having people knowing what you're doing, while you could've been spending the time you were typing that status up to .......... I don't know,... do something to get someone farther in finding a solution to one of their problems; help someone get to heaven; help get someone a space in traffic.
So, what can I do to help someone in my free time? What may I offer? What website needs to be built that hasn't been built yet that I could build? What do people want?
....What do I want?
Why do I feel like I have to ask these questions, like I'm in control? I shouldn't be in control; God is supposed to be. So why am I worrying?
And why don't I go to bed? Maybe some answers will be clear after a night's sleep.
But why? How does that help anyone else be productive?
What am I doing with my life that can help out other people? Why do I randomly get the urge and desire to want to constantly join the crowd and update and check on updates as much as I can? But then don't? I think, I don't really, really want to. It doesn't make sense to me, having people knowing what you're doing, while you could've been spending the time you were typing that status up to .......... I don't know,... do something to get someone farther in finding a solution to one of their problems; help someone get to heaven; help get someone a space in traffic.
So, what can I do to help someone in my free time? What may I offer? What website needs to be built that hasn't been built yet that I could build? What do people want?
....What do I want?
Why do I feel like I have to ask these questions, like I'm in control? I shouldn't be in control; God is supposed to be. So why am I worrying?
And why don't I go to bed? Maybe some answers will be clear after a night's sleep.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Supper Time
For supper, I had a banana. Wrapped in a tortilla wrap with peanut butter and mayo. Yum, yum!! Oh, and some ranch chips.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Yatta!!
I just connected my laptop to my phone via bluetooth and tethered it's internet connection! Now if my laptop isn't near a wifi spot, I can still get on the net as long as my batteries last!
Yay!
Yay!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Plus $0.05
Had great time @ Carowinds yesterday! I made $0.05 off the ground, each a separte penny from different parts of the park! :D
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Florida Court Sets Atheist Holy Day
I got this in an mail and thought it was worth sharing:
In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do.. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."
The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 in The Bible states, "The fool says in his heart, there is no God." Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, he already has a day. April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."
In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do.. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."
The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 in The Bible states, "The fool says in his heart, there is no God." Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, he already has a day. April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."
Monday, March 1, 2010
One Month - WHAT?!?!?
Yeah, I guess there goes that resolution. I had originally resolved to update this blog profile way more than once a month. I was also doing real well in keeping on my personal, private journal updated with basics of each day, until Google changed their code and broke the Integrated Gmail extension for Firefox. It probably looks like there's no connection b/t a journal and Gmail, but I promise you, there is. The code is fixed now, but I haven't thought to enable the extension again.
Anyway, we've done a lot of things over the passed month, and for those who care, I'll let you know some of the things. I say some of the things, b/c I don't exactly have the best of memories to remember everything.
Movies/TV shows I/we have watched (in no particular order):
- Avatar 3D
- Year One
- Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
- The Net
- The IT Crowd (Series 1 - 3)
- Loverboy
- Serendipity
I also finished "reading" the complete Twilight saga. ("Reading" as in listening to audio book on my 30-minute drive each way each day to and from work.) I've now started on The Sword of Truth series.
Other events/accomplishments in our lives are:
- Elizabeth preached at my hometown church.
- I'm about halfway done with cleaning out a closet with the last of my stuff at my parent's house (I tackle that a little bit at a time when we're down there).
- We had an enjoyable supper time with a church friend one evening.
- My memory allowed me to remember I have this blog that I needed to update it.
We also obtained the fun, short version of Monopoly - The Card Game and a difficult (for me), fast paced version of Scrabble - The Card Game.
Well, that's all I'm going to update with for now. I don't think I'll be doing those reviews I was talking about in a previous post, I mean, you see already how I neglect updating on standard events in life, how could I possibly have time to do any reviews? Okay, I'm signing off now, methinks, since I can't think of anything else worth mentioning right now.
Later!
Anyway, we've done a lot of things over the passed month, and for those who care, I'll let you know some of the things. I say some of the things, b/c I don't exactly have the best of memories to remember everything.
Movies/TV shows I/we have watched (in no particular order):
- Avatar 3D
- Year One
- Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
- The Net
- The IT Crowd (Series 1 - 3)
- Loverboy
- Serendipity
I also finished "reading" the complete Twilight saga. ("Reading" as in listening to audio book on my 30-minute drive each way each day to and from work.) I've now started on The Sword of Truth series.
Other events/accomplishments in our lives are:
- Elizabeth preached at my hometown church.
- I'm about halfway done with cleaning out a closet with the last of my stuff at my parent's house (I tackle that a little bit at a time when we're down there).
- We had an enjoyable supper time with a church friend one evening.
- My memory allowed me to remember I have this blog that I needed to update it.
We also obtained the fun, short version of Monopoly - The Card Game and a difficult (for me), fast paced version of Scrabble - The Card Game.
Well, that's all I'm going to update with for now. I don't think I'll be doing those reviews I was talking about in a previous post, I mean, you see already how I neglect updating on standard events in life, how could I possibly have time to do any reviews? Okay, I'm signing off now, methinks, since I can't think of anything else worth mentioning right now.
Later!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Witty Title Here
I couldn't think of a good (or even bad) title for this one. Just kinda blahhhhh.
I think the relaxing weekend of staying inside playing video games and watching TV with the snow coming down outside really drained a lot of my energy..... kinda weird. I'd think that resting up would give one more energy, not less, silly. But I guess the muscles wanted to start turning to mush.
Anyways, the snow was pretty, imo, and I enjoyed it. The cats enjoyed it for two or three minutes. I think Lizzy enjoyed it, but I'll let her speak for herself. :)
Wound up at work today, but that's okay; I like my job.
Not much more in our life to report on, sooo..... catch y'all later!
I think the relaxing weekend of staying inside playing video games and watching TV with the snow coming down outside really drained a lot of my energy..... kinda weird. I'd think that resting up would give one more energy, not less, silly. But I guess the muscles wanted to start turning to mush.
Anyways, the snow was pretty, imo, and I enjoyed it. The cats enjoyed it for two or three minutes. I think Lizzy enjoyed it, but I'll let her speak for herself. :)
Wound up at work today, but that's okay; I like my job.
Not much more in our life to report on, sooo..... catch y'all later!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Shhh! Be veeeerwy quiet. I'm hunting toiletries!
Isn't it strange how you're 6 or 7 times louder in the morning when you're actually trying to be extra quiet so's not to wake your spouse or roommate(s)?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
There I go, slacking off again
Yup, I'm already falling behind on my goal to keep this thing updated. I hope you don't mind too much.
So, what's been happening here? Let's see, Lizzy preached last week at Hayworth, and then again at Midway this past Sunday. She did so great! I think she really belongs up there. I'd tell you about the sermons, but I don't want to butcher it or ruin it for anyone who plans to someday hear her.
My brother and his wife also came up Saturday evening. We had a great time together, talking about books and RPGs, and playing board games and Wii games. Some days I really wish I could get back into pen and paper RPGs, but I don't know I that I know of anyone around here that would be willing to play around with something like that.
After Lizzy preached on Sunday, her, her parents, my bro, his wife, and I all went out to Cracker Barrel for a Happy Birthday meal for me. :) I had a nice time with everyone and it's something I plan to not forget for a long time.
Some other events in my life some of you may not care about are: "Chuck" is back on! "Heroes" is back on! We've been playing through the New Super Mario Bros. Wii game (currently on the third world), and we've been out to eat at with the church Sunday School group out at Yadkin Valley Steakhouse (Num Yummy!). Oh, and we got extremely sick last Tuesday.
In other thoughts of my brain, on my first blog, back in the Xanga.com days, I would sometimes randomly post an IMO review about something I'd recently read, played, or watched. I'm thinking about attempting to probably maybe possibly starting that up again, but I'm not certain yet. So I guess stay tuned for my decision on that, if you're interested.
God bless y'all!!!
So, what's been happening here? Let's see, Lizzy preached last week at Hayworth, and then again at Midway this past Sunday. She did so great! I think she really belongs up there. I'd tell you about the sermons, but I don't want to butcher it or ruin it for anyone who plans to someday hear her.
My brother and his wife also came up Saturday evening. We had a great time together, talking about books and RPGs, and playing board games and Wii games. Some days I really wish I could get back into pen and paper RPGs, but I don't know I that I know of anyone around here that would be willing to play around with something like that.
After Lizzy preached on Sunday, her, her parents, my bro, his wife, and I all went out to Cracker Barrel for a Happy Birthday meal for me. :) I had a nice time with everyone and it's something I plan to not forget for a long time.
Some other events in my life some of you may not care about are: "Chuck" is back on! "Heroes" is back on! We've been playing through the New Super Mario Bros. Wii game (currently on the third world), and we've been out to eat at with the church Sunday School group out at Yadkin Valley Steakhouse (Num Yummy!). Oh, and we got extremely sick last Tuesday.
In other thoughts of my brain, on my first blog, back in the Xanga.com days, I would sometimes randomly post an IMO review about something I'd recently read, played, or watched. I'm thinking about attempting to probably maybe possibly starting that up again, but I'm not certain yet. So I guess stay tuned for my decision on that, if you're interested.
God bless y'all!!!
Monday, January 4, 2010
New post with the new year!
So, the youth convention in Charlotte was really fun and a blessing. I enjoyed all the fellowship, and even the loud music, of which I had some handy dandy ear plugs for. It's funny... I could hear the songs more clearly with the ear plugs in than when I had nothing. Sure, I looked silly, I'm sure, and you can laugh, but at least my head wasn't ringing afterward.
Well, not really much more to say. I pray everyone has a productive new year!
God bless thee,
TBee
Well, not really much more to say. I pray everyone has a productive new year!
God bless thee,
TBee
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